From Desperate Fugitive,

 

 

Help! My wife is going to marry a crazy man and she doesn’t even love him! I was banished from my city because I accidentally killed my wife’s cousin right after we got married because he killed my best friend who was the life of the party. I’ve been banished and my beautiful wife is hiding our marriage from her family by agreeing to marry a dumb suitor that is really clumsy and he obviously won’t make as good of a husband as me. Her father promised this man that he would marry my loving Juliet but then she married me instead and her father doesn’t know and I’m afraid of what will happen to her if she tells him about it before we run away from the city together. I don’t know how we will do it but I need your advice on what to do about Juliet getting married to another man and we aren’t even divorced!! Who does that! Anyway, I would really appreciate a reply so I can solve this wife situation.

Thanks, Confused Romeo.

 

Dear Confused Romeo.

Okay. Let me get this straight. You’re a fugitive that was banished from where ever you live for killing your new wife’s cousin because he killed your friend and now she is going to marry another man. Listen, I know you want your girl back but you have committed a serious crime. Do you honestly think she deserves a criminal as a husband? Why do you think she’s hiding your marriage from her parents? You killed her cousin. I don’t blame her for leaving you Confused Romeo! She deserves better! Let her get married to this other man and move on. Obviously she may want to marry this other man. Have you asked her is she wanted to? Plus on top of that you were banished from the city she lives in. How do you expect to go see her if you cannot enter the city? My advice to you is move on because she will be married soon. As for the divorce thing… I don’t have an answer.

Sorry man but move on.

Best Regards, Allegro.

 

 

 

 

 

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Dear Allegro,      

From A Depressed Husband

Hello, it’s me Paris again. You will never believe what’s happened this time. I am in quite the vinegar soaked cucumber if you understand what I mean.  

I was set up to marry the most beautiful, kind and best smelling lady I’ve ever met. We danced the night of the Capulet party, it was so romantic Allegro. But my lady hates me, I can tell. Is it the way I look? The way I speak? The way I danced? My heart aches like it has never aches before. I wish I knew what she was thinking. Could you possibly decode what young Juliet is thinking? Please help.

I am in need of immediate assistance. Helllpppp!

Sadness drenched Paris.

 

Dear Sadness Drenched Paris,

 

Really Paris? Again. That’s the third time this week! Like I have said before I cannot help you with the mind reading. I’m not that smart. Okay so say she does hate you. What would you do? You can ask her about it. By the way you described Juliet I’m sure she is very forgiving and has a kind heart. What’s the worst that could happen if you asked her? She’d say yes I do hate you. That’s the absolute worst case scenario. It couldn’t hurt to try right? I mean you’re kinda running out of options here. Wait, how horribly do you think you speak, look and dance. If it’s bothering maybe you should take a dance class or work on your appearance or something. It will help boost your confidence a bit. Then go talk to her. Ask her if she loves you. That’s all I have to say this time.

Good Luck Sadness Drenched Paris.

Allegro